Title: Broken Promises To Yourself
Author: Kateri E
Beta: [info]nikitariddick
Fandom: NCIS
Rating: Mature
Genre: Slash, Angst
Pairing: Tony/Surprise (pairing at bottom)
Summary: Broken promises hurt, but broken promises to yourself can hurt more


Tony knows it’s selfish and damaging to the team and his ability to properly do his job because of the loss of respect. But he can’t stop himself. Every time he tells himself this will be the last time that he won’t do this again. No matter how many promises he makes himself, he always finds himself in some out of the way corner or unvisited storage room at NCIS, on his knees, tie wrapped around his eyes like a blindfold, wrists cuffed behind his back, and a cock thrusting harshly between his lips until it hits the back of his throat while a large hand pulls on his hair to hold his head still.

It’s the complete loss of control that he craves. At first, he simply went to his knees before worshiping the cock in his mouth. Later the blindfold and the encouragement of strong hands holding his head were introduced. The handcuffs, while a something that he enjoyed, become a necessity as the secretive encounters spiraled out of his tenuous control and become not at a time of his choosing but his partner’s. The type of control that was being exerted over him should have excited Tony and made the need less. Instead, paradoxically, he felt out of control instead of controlled.

Eventually the pulling and grunting reach a crescendo and the latex covered erection shoves even deeper almost choking Tony and stayed there for several moments as his partner came. When the last of his orgasm fades, he pulls out, places the used condom in a bag to be safely disposed of later, and fixes himself up before finally releasing Tony from the cuffs and leaving the room quickly.

Tony will continue to hold his hands behind his back for several moments, pretending that the encounter meant something else and fulfills his desires. He will try desperately to hold onto a shred of that feeling of need fulfilled -- need that originally drove him to seek these encounters, no longer even thinking of the possible consequences of doing this with a coworker.

At first, while not entirely what he wanted, the furtive encounters had eased the emptiness in him and made the aching need less. Back then there had been gentle hands at his head guiding instead of taking, soft words spoken at the end, and offers to help him with his prominent erection. Now, though, there were no words only the taste of cheap latex in his mouth. There wasn’t even any need to ask after his own pleasure as it had been months since he had even been able to get a partial erection, much less get off during their encounters, or even by himself. What had once been a lifeline that he grasped to help maintain his sanity had become a reason to drift, to embrace a mind numbing nothingness. Every time he saw one of the plain condoms placed in his desk drawer paired with a post it note with a room number, he felt another piece of himself detach and slide further away, leaving an empty shell, a caricature of the man he had been.

Desperately clinging to his wrists trying to imitate the feeling of being restrained Tony tries to halt the sob as he suddenly saw his future laid out before him in his mind’s eye. He is not able to contain the despair, ant it overwhelms him. He finds himself curling forward sobbing while his tears wet his makeshift blindfold. No more, he promises himself; never again could he go down on his knees for Timothy McGee if he wanted to salvage some portion of Anthony DiNozzo.

Pairing: Tony/McGee
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